July 16th, 2009
Conclusions~Group 3
Posted by
edigiorgio in
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Group 3: Gabriel, Therans, & Shannon
Post your two conclusions below by Saturday 5:00 pm. Comment on your group members’ conclusions by Sunday 5:00 pm.
EOF 2009~Foundations of Reading & Writing Rocks
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on July 16th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
In the future, I would like to keep achieving me goals as I have been doing my whole life. I would like to graduate from college with some kind of degree and start my life of right. I know a couple of struggles and obstacles will come my way, but I think I will be more prepared and mature to handle them on my own. In a few more years, I think I would want to start a family and be happy. That is not until a while and I have many more years to come. I just want to get through these years first and keep working hard.
As you can see, my life growing up from Philly and moving to the shore has changed my life. I’ve become an independent woman, a friend, a role model and a leader to my family. My life is going in the right direction and I just want to keep it that way. If I still lived in the place where I was born, then I know I wouldn’t be the person I’ve become and wouldn’t be a success that I am now. College wouldn’t be in my future and I would be a junky. I thank god and my parents for making that change for me and my brother so we would become successors and make a difference in the world.
on July 16th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
You get your point across of wanting to accomplish your goals and be successful, there are just a few punctuation errors and add in a few commas to put a pause into some of your sentences. I like the second conclusion more because it gives me more detail about your life and where you came from and where you are now.
on July 16th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Therans Valcin
Professor Digorgio
Rules for Writing
Draft Conclusion
In the novel Oedipus. Oedipus believed that everyone was born with their fate already chosen. Oedipus claimed that once someone was born the gods chose that person who was born fate. It was either the person would suffer threw life, or live a happy life. This was partly true. When you’re a newborn baby your parents main objective is to teach you right from wrong. However your life depends on the environment your raised in. Honestly its both nature and nurture. Once you enter the world you become a product of your environment . its quite simple I was nurtured by family : however, the environment of the streets got me incarcerated before I got educated.
Now ask yourself can you walk in my shoes. Facing all the negativity that came my way; how would you feel when someone tells you once you go to jail you cant do shit when you get out. A former correctional officer told me inmate man is just as free as a free man. Don’t let your self come to think that your mistakes ruin you. Look at them as life experience
on July 16th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Shannon your conclusion is stong. i just dont like the as you can see and the in the future. try to make a strong statement other than the first one was the strongest to me.
on July 16th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
therans
i really enjoyed ready theranes two conclusion. at first ready the first conclsion, i didnt understand it. but while reading more i did. there were a couple of puncuation mistakes but other that that i realy like it.
the second one was my favorite. it made me put myself in his shore and think about how i would feel. i think he did a great job!!
on July 17th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
1 Conclusion
Ask your self, can I? Can you, or are you able to gather the strength, to manage the pain that will come across you, to survive on the path, alone. Will the struggle of the burses be too painful to cover and wrap, to heal, such scares? The answer is, Yes- I did it and accomplished to ride the bike with training wheels at first. Then I was able to take them off myself and begin to ride the path of dark, tall trees and dangerous bumps. The distractions of sounds and false lie the wind would blow in and out, across my face that I did not give any attention to. Helped me fight, helped me stand tall will my back straight and security to protect my self from harm.
I learned to be alone, with independence. I sculpture my being to become eager to tackle my goals and achieve what I desire. I nurtured myself to have this, “Don’t Judge Me”, attitude I carry. To have the ability to hold two to three jobs and pay for my own bills, and still be able to hang on to my education. Avoid taking to easy road out and quitting and becoming a drug dealer like those who surrounded me, my mother. “There will always be a tomorrow, with or with out me, so make every moment like it was your last”. (Myself)
2 conclusions
My life growing up in a small town, Hammonton, New Jersey. In high school, having the strength to be able to leave my home, to find the meaning of happiness. Having a mother who would only think about how she would get her high off of drugs when she ran out. Ignoring you like that paper that was crumbled and writing all over, then tossed to the side. It was a hit to the face, at time made me want to say,” Fuck you and your life”. But I was better then that. I have reached that certain point of my life where I will kill her by leaven and become something she neither will nor ever will be, successful. Go to college and receive my degree in what I have passion for, dance and business. Have that one friend who will follow me and help me to release the anger inside of m, by talking to me.
Doors will open and I will follow the sounds to the light that holds the magnificent love I fond to find.
Will I ever find that love; will I be the lonely boy who just distracted himself to things to keep him focus?
No-
on July 17th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
gab
i loved how you started to the first conclusion. it drew me in to make me read more. whe i continued to read i got lost a little and didnt understand what i was reading. i think you should fixed it up a little and it will be perfect
the second conclusion i loved the most you were very focus and strong when you wrote it. i can tell in your writing while reading it. i dont know if you need the questions at the end. other then that i really enjoyed reading it!!!
on July 18th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Well Professor Digiorgio,
I copied the two conclusions and read them both, i marked them and fixed them with critques on paper.
Its very hard for me to read typed words on the computer.
so Shaonnon’s and Therance do not have an online comment.
Thank You.
The conculsions they both wrote are very intersesting in their own way.